Big Swing And A Miss

Speaking of disappointment, two movies that I watched last week explain how mediocrity can dangerously harm a highly respected and anticipated brand name or franchise.

Let’s start with the Hollywood summer blockbuster bomb, G.I. Joe. I’ll begin with something more objective – 6.1/10 rating from imdb.com, 4.7/10 from rottentomatoes.com while on the website it also says “…a cartoonish, over-the-top action fest propelled by silly writing, inconsistent visual effects, and merely passable performances.” Well I can’t agree more on that.

Walking into the cinema with a joyfully fed stomach (slightly sugar-high) and accompanied by not one but three female chaperones, I was ready to be entertained. While not a big fan of sci-fi movies, I’ve seen enough G.I. Joe action figures to conjure a slight interest in finding out what the successful Hasbro franchise has to offer via a completely different dimension of entertainment. The snake-themed movie started out strong and was able to catch my attention with its 17th Century setting, plus Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller are both insanely hot. I thought to myself, “this is gonna be good”. But unfortunately, that concluded the up side of the story. The flooded $90+ million box office is obviously financed by innocent individuals, like me, who lost in a gamble for believing that a plastic toy could expand into a Hollywood must-watch.

As the 2 Joes broke through a streetcar, its windows shattered along with my high expectations; the rest of the movie was mixed with dissatisfying CGIs, gags that fall under the cliché category, physical paradoxes that even Einstein could hardly make convincing, and a plot that resembles Dr. Evil’s master plan. Acting was mediocre, same as the fighting scenes and same as the explosion effects. The production team did, however, succeed in one aspect, G.I. Joe action figures will continue to sell thanks to its over-the-top combating body gear and weapons. But, one thing for sure, I won’t be watching its sequel.

Next up, Knowing by Nicholas Cage. 

OK, I am a Nicholas Cage fan, plus he has a standalone reputation, just like Will Smith, for offsetting the deficiency of the rest of the crew. So, I decided that this movie must be watchable. Well, the build up of the story is pretty compelling consider I had to stop roughly 1/3 into the movie to slowly work up my courage again to confront those ghost-like albino folks, who could shoot light from their mouths. The “knowing” or prophecy component is kind of cool and the intensity is definitely there. Plus, like I said I am a Nicholas Cage fan (palms up and shrug).

However, time to time, you just feel like sucker punching Cage for poor parenting or I guess the script writer for allowing unnecessary tensions to manifest. Example A: If you knew your kid has been followed by suspicious stalkers, wouldn’t you keep a closer eye on him? Don’t go turn around and shout in the phone, turn back only to find out that your kid has gone missing. Example B, no Example B because all the flaws are similar to Example A, but in different settings. Let’s just say that there are more holes in the story than a Swiss cheese, just like in G.I.-non-human-Joe. The biggest upset, however, comes at the end when a gigantic UFO, shining xenon white light, descended out of nowhere (Yes, you heard me, a UFO), and no one besides the main characters saw it (how on earth?). Nicholas Cage, witnessing the disc-like flying object, dropped down on his knees in horror and disbelief, and although watching the movie in bed, I also dropped down on the ground (in my head) even lower than Cage. The absurd ending ripped the whole movie and my hopes apart, completely (way to ease the tension I guess?). A tip when making a movie: try not to combine a horrific thriller with an alien intrusion that has a massacre style finish. Minus 2 for Nicholas Cage here.

Now let’s pray that Lost doesn’t wind up like Knowing. Otherwise, you can expect something far worse than rotten tomatoes from the fans.